Where are you going, my friend?  Before you continue to push into this same turmoil, stop.  Breathe.  Pray.  LIsten to your thoughts, but just let them be thoughts.  They are not so weighty unless you pay them mind.  It is not so pressing, not so serious.  It is just life, a breath, a dream.  OK, a dream if you are like me and spend less time being grounded than is suggested.  At any rate, pushing towards this thing, or giving into it, is not what the universe intended.  And if you continue this pattern, the universe only intends that you learn something from your pain.  Maybe it hasn't hurt bad enough to get your undivided attention yet?  The universe, or God, is not doing this out of spite.  Its a preperation for some sort of 'next level' that only your soul knows.  Don't worry...if you continue with this pattern for the rest of your life, you'll likely pick up where you left off in the next one. 

God wants your undivided attention sometimes.  And sometimes God just wants you to be.  To savor.  To experience.  To dream.  To grow.  To expand.  Or maybe this is what your soul wants.  Either way, your human mind will break through one of these times.  Until then, I am praying to my angels, my god, my goddess, my universe, the light, the force, the creator that it doesn't take major injury for you to awaken, to make a different choice, and then finally to grow and move on and above.

My friends think I'm whacky.  In fact, sometimes when I say these things, they find them offensive.  So this evening, I write what was intended for one to all of you instead.  May the light find you in the darkness right when you need it, my former zaadsters. 

I love my cats.  Usually they're busy hissing at each other, chomping on plants, or knocking stuff off the kitchen counter.  But when I'm down, I mean really down, they know.  And at that point at least one of them will calm down, follow me until I sit down, and just be with me until I've calmed.  Clyde is laying here beside me right now.  I couldn't be more grateful.  Its been a rough couple of days. 

My Zaadz friend Muir tagged me to state 7 random facts about myself, then tag 7 more people to spread the love.  I will let you know these 7 random or weird facts, but my friends are either mediators or businesses, save just a few of you awesome people, so I won't be tagging anyone. 

7 random facts about me:
1. I sing opera.

2. I have run 3 marathons.  I was overweight when I ran my last marathon.

3. I recently became a crazy cat person.  Prior to moving to Nebraska, my pets were plants.  I became a cat mom to one fat cat upon moving in with my husband.  Subsequently we have adopted 2 more kitties.  The fat one sits in my lap throughout most of the day if I'm sitting at the computer.  Yes, she is sitting right here right now.

4. I move a lot, even if it is within the same town.  I didn't even notice this about myself until my last 2nd to last move from Brentwood to Hollywood.  I prefer being an apt. dweller now that I live in a house.  Owning a home gives you more opportunity to amass junk.

5. I am a radical feminist, but only in my mind.

6. My most magical memories all include the great outdoors, including times on the farm, the beach, Joshua Tree, Runyan Canyon, and others.  But I hate camping. 

7.  When I was a kid, I used to opt for sleeping on the floor instead of my bed.  Therefore I don't understand why I don't like camping, because the thing I dislike about camping is sleeping on the ground, even if I have a mat. 


And now it's your turn:

THE RULES:
1. Link to the person's blog who tagged you.

2. Post these rules on your blog.

3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.

4. Tag seven random [?] people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.

5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

I found myself in an interesting dichotomy of not wanting to resist someone else's beliefs and values because, although they differed from mine, it didn't mean they were any less relevant or important than mine, and holding onto my own ideas of reality as well as the way things "should' work.  I entered the realm of compassion, a place that I had poked around before but never truly dwelled.  I was willing to sacrifice it all for big love.  I learned compromise, but it turned out this compromise would not return the wonderment I had assumed  Why?  Because I wasn't compromising on my actions.  I was compromising my beliefs, and therefore compromising myself.  I was told yesterday by a friend that as soon as you wake up and wonder, "How did I get here?" it is likely that you compromised your beliefs somehow. 

Zadsters, what to do now?  I began a wonderful transformation about 5 or so years ago.  The first step is I learned to find peace in nearly any situation.  So what did I do after I found this peace?  Why, I moved to Los Angeles, of course!   Granted, I "lost" this peace at this point, but such an impressive amount of learning took place at this time that, painful as it was, it was completely worthwhile.  So what is the problem?  I went from being a very strong, opinionated person, albeit likable, but somehow confrontational and losing tact at times, into becoming a person who, when my views oppose another, I see myself backing down in order to keep a flow of energy, in order to question my own self, in order to allow them to live their path.  And now as I type this out, the answer seems clear to me.  Although I bite my tongue in order to keep energy flowing, I am still cutting it off because I am not being true to myself and, in turn, am not being true to them. 

But how do you "go back" over night?  I know, I know, you don't.  You can't go back.  So I suppose this is another interesting transformation I am experiencing and something completely new will appear at some unforseen time.  So be it. 

Here I am, babbling on and on.  When what I really wanted to tell you is that I am on my way to becoming a level II reiki.  All good things.  But I hear going through level II can be overwhelmingly emoitional.  I thought I was already overwhelmed by emotion?  Send a little bit of light this way, friends. 

Life is just amazing right now, isn't it?  Right around the corner its about to become more heavenly than you ever could have imagined.  But watch out after that....its going to be one hell of a ride...Don't forget to breathe.

Dear GOD(goddess, Sophia, Budda, Light, The I AM, Mother, Father, Power, Source) Isn't life amazing?  I had this weight.  This weight of expectations.  And it has been LIFTED!  Ok, maybe not for long, but WOW it feels good.  I can go to bed now.  I can go to bed with a sweet smile on my face and delicious dreams and wake up in the morning only to bless the sun and bless all of the wonderment I will experience in those waking hours.  It makes me EXCITED for tomorrow!  Excited for NOW!  Ah, Bliss.  Can I hold you in the palm of my hand for a little while longer? 

YES! I love when I realize I'm dreaming.  It is at that point, as it probably is with many others, that I decide to try to fly.  I usually end up laboriously swimming through the air getting nowhere fast, instead of the free flowing, hair-blowing experience it "should" be, which can probably say something about what is going on during my waking hours at times! 

Sometimes I realize I'm dreaming during one of those infamous "no pants" dreams.  You know, the ones where suddenly you realize things are a litle drafty and that you simply spaced putting on your pants before going to the grocery store.  Actually, my pantless (or topless, for that matter) dream is always in high school, even though I haven't been there for 12 or 13 years.  I realize I'm pantless and panick, but then become aware that I'm dreaming, so I decide to get up from my desk and wander aimlessly through the halls just because I can.  There are no rules telling me to stay.  But the pant issue starts to consume me again, and there I go, whisked out of that lucid state and back into the heat of the dream.  Or chill of the dream, as it were... 

Helping in the healing of others, primarily from an emotional/psychological stance. 

Please define ego.  I just went back to school to study Psychology and it turns out everyone has their own idea of what ego is. 

According to my definition, my ego is much too present and persistent right now.  Lately my feelings get hurt easily, I think that I'm usually right, and I am more judgemental than I care to admit.

I don't want to paint myself out as a mean stubborn person though.  I think in essence I am not.  (there goes my ego again, looking for your validation!) But I do believe that an inbalance has occurred and I look forward to spending more time living my life as a soul having a human experience as opposed to a human occasionally thinking about her soul. 

I started school again yesterday.  I forgot how much I absolutely love it.  Isn't learning great?  Isn't a group of people working towards the class goals and feasting on this eye-openning(and sometimes mind-numbing) information nothing short of magical?  I am so excited about this step in my process.  I am excited about what I'm doing now and love looking forward to the endless possibilities.  I forgot how amazing embraced newness could feel and how much it lifts up my spirits, washing away my case of the Negative Nancies.